NOČNA MORA

Zadnje čase doživljam nočno moro. Nyíl je bolan. Ima diagnozo popuščanja srca, poleg tega pa se mu vrti in izgublja ravnotežje, za kar pa kljub kar nekaj preiskavam še nismo našli vzroka. Kar me skrbi najbolj je, da to stanje ni stabilno ampak se slabša.

Da nekaj ni čisto v redu z njim sem opazila že zelo zgodaj. Določene vaje je delal zelo nerodno, položaja prosi recimo ni in ni mogel držati dlje kot dve sekundi. Ko je na agilityu skakal je rušil hope na višini 40cm in včasih se je tako vrgel na hop, da je zrušil vse skupaj, z blendami vred. Slaloma se ni in ni mogle naučit. Dokler je bil koridor odprt, je šlo super, ko sem ga zaprla ga je znal, če je šel vanj zelo počasi in samo ko je šel notri naravnost oz z desne strani, z leve strani je imel velike težavo, ko se je poslušal ovit mimo prvih palc in je pogosto spustil eno palčko vmes. Ko je bil enkrat v slalomu, je nadaljeval do konca v redu. Vse to sem prepisovala njegovi histeriji in ga "obtoževala", da se ne potrudi, čeprav sem že takrat sumila, da mogoče pa nekaj vseeno ni čisto v redu. Videla sem, da ko dela slalom, glavo občasno nagiba postrani. Morda slabo vidi. Druga zanimiva stvar je bil most. Na most je šel počasi in previdno. "Opa, ena ovira, ki se je malo boji", sem si mislila. Če pa je prišel nanj prehitro ali je bil vhod narejen malo zamaknjen in ne čisto naravnost, je padel z njega. In tudi to sem prepisovala njegovi histeriji. Na sprehodih pa ni kazal nobenih težav, zato sem se potolažila, da je pač tako zelo histeričen na poligonu.
Kljub temu, da je bil uradno izmerjen v medium, sem vedela, da ga bom morala meriti še enkrat in bo pristal v large ker so se nekateri ljudje pač odločili da medium ni. Nisem se še čisto odločila ali bo na koncu tekmoval v large ali bo to pomenilo, da pač ne bo tekmoval a sem presodila, da mu ovire dvignjene na 45cm ne bodo škodile in sem jih na treningu dvignila. Ali je to povezano ali ne, ne vem, vendar sem takrat opazila, da predno skoči ali gre v tunel nekako zatrokira, Težko opišem kaj se je zgodilo a pred oviro se je ustavil, malo pocepetal in jo šele nato izvedel. Zdelo se mi je zelo čudno a se mu je to zgodilo le sem in tja, na sprehodih pa je še zmeraj izgledal normalno. Potem pa sem opazila, da ga včasih, ko se vrti okoli svoje osi vrže nazaj, kot bi se moral vzvratno odvrteti še nazaj. Ko smo šli na sprehod s pasjimi prijatelji in poskusili narediti sliko s sprehoda, pa ni mogel stati na hlodu, kjer je brez težav stalo 5 drugih, tudi precej večjih psov. Enostavno ni našel ravnotežja. Malo je tudi stresal z glavo. Posumila sem, da ima lahko težave z ušesi in odšla k veterinarju. Res je v ušesu našel bilko in imel je vneto srednje uho, zato smo ga zdravili in upala sem, da bo po tem boljše. Pa ni bilo.

A stanje je bilo še zmeraj kolikor toliko normalno, zato sva še zmeraj trenirala agility, se igrala z žogami in cufami. le na to sem pazila, da se ni preveč vrtel okoli svoje osi. Ne med igro, ne na treningih. Doma pa sem delala vaje za ravnotežje. Po teh vajah je pogosto stresal z glavo. A vnetja ušes ni imel več. Ker nama je grozil ta large in ker je dejansko izgledalo, da mu nič ne škodi, če skače 45cm visoke ovire, še celo tako je izgledalo, kot bi bilo boljše, ker se mora malo bolj potruditi, sem se odločila, da poskusim ovire dvignit na 50cm. Sprva je zgledalo kar ok. Skakal je brez večjih težav, če odštejem, da je sem in tja še zmeraj zrušil celo oviro, z blendo vred, ker se je kar vrgel na hop s celim telesom. Kmalu se je njegovo stanje začelo slabšati. Ovire je delal zmeraj težje, slalom ni napredoval nikamor, padal je z mosta,... na treningih je vedno pogosteje držal glavo čudno na stran, vrteti se mu je začelo že, če je samo stresal cufo, ne le ko se je vrtel okoli svoje osi in tudi na sprehodih in doma sem opazila, da ga je začelo zanašat in končno sem si priznala, da je z njim nekaj precej narobe. Odšla sme k veterinarju in naredila nekaj testov. Magnetno resonanco, teste krvi,... In testi niso pokazali ničesar. Morda vodenoglavost a v tako rahli odliki, da veterinar ni siguren v to diagnozo. Poskusili smo tablete za odvajanje tekočine iz telesa inprotivnetne tablete, po katerih bi mu moglo biti boljše, v primeru, da bi šlo za vodenoglavost, pa mu ni bilo nič boljše. Zato je ta diagnoza precej vprašljiva. Ker me je Lukas vprašal kako je s srcem sem šla pregledat še srce. Do takrat nisem sumila, da bi bilo z njegovim srcem karkoli narobe. Z glavo ja, s srcem pa res ne. A žal je pregled pokazal, da tudi srce ni v redu. Ne bije tako kot bi moglo. Popušča. Zdaj je tablete in ima kontrolo čez tri mesece, ko bomo videli, če se je kaj spremenilo. Upam, da bo šlo na boljše, saj bo v tem primeru moral jesti tablete celo življenje a bo živel. Še zmeraj pa me skrbi njegova glava, vrtoglavice in izgubljanje ravnotežja. Ne vem več kaj res vidim in kaj je plod moje domišljije a zdi se mi, kot da se stanje malo pa po malo ves čas slabša.

Poskušam ne misliti na to, delam se, da je čisto v redu, agilitya seveda ne delava več in igrava se tudi zelo omejeno in previdno. Sicer pa poskušava živeti normalno, se veliko sprehajati, kaj pa naj? Nyílček ne ve kaj se dogaja z njim. Je vesel, razigran, poln energije, zmešan kot zmeraj, samo včasih malo čudno pogleda, ko se mu zvrti in ga zanese in ne ve kaj se mu dogaja. A takoj za tem pozabi na to in nori naprej. Zunanji opazovalec nebi nikoli rekel, da je z njim karkoli narobe.
Zato sem še toliko bolj žalostna in res ne vem zakaj se nama to dogaja. Želim si, da bi našla vzrok, zakaj se mu tako vrti in mu lahko pomagala in da bi zdravila za srce pomagala in me nebi zapustil. Na smrt se bojim tega, da bom ostala brez njega. Ampak sem optimist. Vem, da bo še vse v redu!!!

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I've been living a nightmare for the past few weeks. Nyíl si sick. He was diagnosed with heart failure. Beside that he is suffering from dizziness and loss of balance. We have done some tests, but we still couldn't find the cause of that. What worries me the most is the fact that the condition is not stable but getting worse.

I noticed that something was wrong pretty early. He was clumsy doing some exercises, he couldn't hold the »beg« position for more then two seconds. He was knocking bars on agility at the height of 40 centimeters, sometimes he threw himself on the bars in the way that he knocked wings too. He couldn't learn how to do the weaves. While the channel was open, he had no problems. When it was closed, he could do it, but really slow, but he still had a lot of problems with the entries from the left. I though it was because he was hysterical and was not making enough effort. Nevertheless I did it though that maybe something is wrong. While he was doing the weaves, he sometimes tilted his head to one side. I though he had problems with his eyes. He also had problems with the dogwalk. He always went on slowly and carefully. »OK, another new obstalce, he is just afraid of it«, I thought. If he got on it with speed or not from a 100% straigh line, he fell off. Again I though it was because he was hysterical. Since he didn't show any problems on walks, I thought that it was just on agility that he behaved that way. Since there was a possibility that he would be measured in large, I decided to lift the height of obstacles on 45 centimeters. I don't know if this is connected, but I noticed that he always slowed down and did some small steps before he jumped on or went into the tunnel. But he did this just once in awhile and he was still ok on walks. The next thing I noticed was that he has problems after spinning. When we wanted to take a picture of some dogs on a log, he simply couldn't find the balance, although five other dogs, some quite bigger then him, had no problems. He sometimes shook his head. So I though he had problems with his ears and went to the vet. The vet found a piece of grass in the ear and his middle ear was infected. So we treated for that and I hoped that this was the cause of his problems. But it was not and he didn't get any better.
The condition was still not that horrible so we still trained agility, played with balls and played tug-of-war. I was just careful that he didn't spin. I worked on his balance at home. After those exercises he oftenly shook his head. But his ear infection was gone. I lifted the obstacles on agility on 50 centimeters and at first it looked great. He had no problems with jumping, he only crashed a whole wing once in awhile. But soon he got worse. He had problems with jumping, the weaves weren't getting any better, he was falling of the dogwalk. He oftenly tilted his head to one side. After shaking the toy he got very dizzy. He was often drifting from side to side (at home and on walks). I again took him to the vet and did the MRI and blood tests. The tests haven't shown anything special. Maybe a slight hydrocephalus, but it was so small that the vet was not sure in a diagnosis. We tried with medication that drain fluids from the body and also inflammatory pills. He was supposed to get better, but he did not. So the diagnosis was questionable. After Lukas asked me how his heart was, I checked that too. I never suspected any problems with it. With his head, yes. But not with his heart. But unfortunatelly his heart is not ok. It's not beating as it should. It's failing. He is on medicaions and we have to check him every three months. I hope he will get better. He will have to be on medications for the rest of his life but he will live. I'm still concerned about his head, dizzines and problems with balance. I don't know what's real and what's just a fruit of my imagination, but I think he is slowly getting worse.
I am trying not to think about it. We try to live a normal life. We of course don't do agility anymore, we just play, but with limitations and carefully. We walk a lot. He doesn't know what's going on with him. He is happy, playful and full of energy, crazy as always. He sometimes looks confused when he gets dizzy or drifts on one side. But then he forgets about it and he is back to his old self.
I'm sad because I don't know why this is happening to us. All I wish for was a cure that could help him and so he wouldn't leave me. I'm scared to death of losing him. But I'm an optimist. I know everything will be OK!!!